rinnyrainbows
by insect
Summary: "Most of the time, roomies aren't, I dunno, supposed to be different genders." Oh.
1. one

**i'm back. hello. this fic was co-written by silverxrose (she wrote rin's povs while i wrote len's). she's pretty great not gonna lie. anyways. there will be more than one chapter for this fic. it'll be updated fairly regularly. but enough of me rambling.**

 **enjoy :).**

 **L**

His room was small, Len decided as he bumped his shoulder against the light switch. Too small to be considered a two-person room, really. He set the box under his arm onto the teeny bed smushed into the left corner, wincing at the thin layer of dust covering the nightstand besides it, and flinched when he heard a creak, the door opening to reveal a brightly-colored sweatshirt and a blonde braid resting atop it. A girl waddled into the room, her thin frame overwhelmed by the heavy load she carried, and she let it drop to the floor with a _thud_. She pulled her sweatshirt down onto her thighs, which were bare otherwise. Len caught himself staring and gulped, struggling to move his eyes upwards to meet hers. They were blue, a perfect contribution to her "white-girl" look-not that he could say much, though, really, seeing that he, too, rocked the signature blond-haired-blue-eyed combo.

He'd seen her before. She raised an eyebrow at him, and he noticed that her face was void of makeup-but even then, she managed to look appealing.

"I'm Rin," she said, extending her hand out, "and you're a boy."

"I know." He didn't shake her hand.

She made a face.

"Wait-what part do you know?"

"Uh, both," Len said, face reddening once he realized how strange that'd sounded. "But I'm not a stalker. Promise." He straightened his collar. "We went to school together? In elementary school?" For seven years, all the way from pre-kindergarten to the sixth grade.

Rin chuckled, a deep sound compared to her usually squeaky voice, and it was weird, because not once in his life had Len ever heard a _girl_ chuckle.

"You're funny. What's your name again? Leonardo, right? I think I remember you now. Your hair used to be way shorter."

Len put a hand to the the small ponytail at the back of his head, and Rin's grin lessened when she looked up from the rag-like carpet to see his expression. "Woah. Sorry if I offended you, or something."

Did he look angry?

"What? No-no...it's fine. I just go by Len now. I...it sounds less dorky." Half-true. He didn't bother bringing up the _real_ reason.

She chuckled again.

"Okay, _Len_. So you're a boy."

She started to rummage through the box on her bed, fluorescent clothing and nicknacks being thrown about. Len did the same, neatly placing his button-ups and books in piles on his bed.

"And?"

"Most of the time, roomies aren't, I dunno, supposed to be different genders."

Oh.

"Is that so?"

"Mm."

He stole a glance behind him at Rin and her side of the room. It looked as if a tornado had swept by-a rainbow-colored tornado. He looked at his own area, clean and filled with things that weren't neon-yellow, and then at the outfit he wore, pressed slacks and Chelsey boots, and then at Rin's again, dirty Converse and that bright blue hoodie, and recalled her outgoing aura, her bold way of speaking, compared to the polite and reserved nature he held.

They were different, Len concluded. Very, very different.

 _But then why was she so appealing to him?_

He cleared his throat.

"So, would you like to arrange for a new dorm then? If you have an issue with having a male roommate?"

Rin was on her phone now, fingers flying across the screen so quickly that Len had to do a double-take.

"Naw," she responded, waving a hand at him without looking up, "it's good. You seem chill enough." She threw her cell phone, an iPhone wearing a chunky giraffe case, onto the bed and gave him a lopsided smile.

"Do you know anyone else over here yet?"

Nobody that he wanted to know.

"Yes. I do-well-I don't speak to them or anything, so it doesn't count."

He averted his eyes when Rin's whole midsection was exposed as she tugged her sweatshirt over her head,

"You?"

"Naw." She waved her hand at him again. "Except for you." She winked.

Len swallowed and peered at the green numbers on the nightstand, his glasses lost somewhere in the backpack he brought. Ten after eleven. They'd both arrived fairly late into the night, it seemed, but most students were probably to arrive the next day just in time for the freshmen's first assembly and all events that went with that, so in retrospect, they were early, a thing that Len sensed wasn't customary for his new "roomie". Rin yawned.

"Anyways. I'm gonna sleep now. Goodnight," she said, unlacing her Converse and flopping back onto her bed.

"Sleep tight," he mumbled back.

 **R**

Rin woke at the crack of dawn. Literally, seeing as streaks of indigo and red were peeking out from under the neon-pink curtains she'd hastily hung up the night before but stars still dusted the sky. Her alarm read 5:13.

Slipping her feet into fat bunny slippers, Rin rubbed her eyes and padded over towards her desk, wrapping an oversized hoodie around the tank top and shorts that she'd slept in. Normally she wasn't such an early riser but she hadn't slept well that night, tossing and turning and tangling in her bright blue sheets until she woke up covered in a light sheen of sweat. Judging from the state of the bed across the room, Len hadn't had the best night's sleep either. She didn't blame him.

No matter how breezy of a facade she'd put on the night before, she couldn't help the fact that she unconsciously wondered what he thought of her, couldn't help but wonder if she snored, or sleeptalked and said something totally embarrassing that would prove that she hadn't changed one bit from elementary school. Rin winced, both from the chilly air that bit at her legs and at the thought of her younger self.

Oh well.

At least now that she was awake, she could get her vlogging done before Len woke up. Somehow, she didn't think he would be interested in knowing about her YouTube channel, and she didn't quite want him to either. Not yet.

Rin flipped open her laptop as she slumped into her fuzzy desk chair, suddenly ridiculously glad that she'd unpacked the night before. Blinking from the brightness of the laptop, she clicked on her video editing program and tugged her long hair into a knot at the top of her head, fastening it with the yellow scrunchie that she'd left on her desk the night before as it loaded. Her most recent video popped up on the screen and she grinned as she clicked on it, checking the clock to make sure she had at least half an hour to crop and add effects before sharing it on her channel with her millions of subscribers.

Yes, millions. What a shock—the nerdy, weird loser girl from elementary school with the lopsided grin and the gap between her front teeth had millions of subscribers.

"Hey, Rinsters! Today I'm going to _college_!" Her voice blared out of the speakers on her desk. "Obviously I have to unpack and stuff, and meet my roomie. I hope she's nice, duh, and maybe she'll be in my next vlog. We're gonna be the best of friends." Rin paused the video, adding a heart emoji sticker to the screen and speeding up her voice before letting it continue, a smile tugging on her lips. Some people hated hearing their own voice, but she found it therapeutic, somehow.

" _So_ , as y'all can see I already put my clothes and stuff in my room, and now I just have my extra stuff. Tell me in the comments if you wanna see an unpacking vid!"

Rin smirked and paused the video again, adjusting the volume of her shrill squeal of excitement that emerged from the speakers, when suddenly a bleary voice interrupted her thoughts.

"What the..."

Shit.

She'd forgotten to wear headphones. And she'd woken Len up. A blush crawled up her cheeks and she fought the urge to slam her head into her desk.

"Sorry."

 **L**

Len struggled to look at Rin's laptop-another Apple product, it looked like-and rubbed at his eyes, cursing himself for forgetting to find his glasses the night before.

"You're fine; it's fine. But…" He rubbed at his eyes again. "What _is_ that?"

Rin worried her lower lip underneath her teeth, and he recalled when she had first gotten her braces when they were eight, the ones where she insisted on having rainbow-colored bands and wearing them confidently, not giving a care about anything else, a trait his younger-and current-self lacked and yearned for.

"This? Oh," she let out a nervous laugh, "it's a project I'm working on."

Len blinked twice, still tired despite having just woken up, and sat up a little higher under his comforter, and Rin snorted.

"Y'know what? Forget that. I was lying. It's-" She sighed and threw her hands up. "What am I saying? I have a Youtube channel."

Len raised his eyebrows at her.

"Do you really?"

"Yeah. It's called-it's called _rinnyrainbows_." Her eyes where anywhere but on him. He bit his lip to refrain from giggling at that.

"I know it's stupid. You can laugh."

So Len did. A little.

"I made the channel when I got my braces, and…"

"...you made them rainbow."

"Mm."

Rin sprang to her feet and snatched a small and rectangular camera from her mess of a desk.

"'Kay. So I vlog? And I need you to be in my vlog."

Len shifted.

"Me? Are you sure about that?" He tugged at the collar of his mock neck. "I mean…"

 _...I might ruin your reputation? Be too awkward?_

She nodded her head firmly and clicked on a button.

"Yes. Yes. Now…" She turned the camera's lens to her face and started to ramble on and on and on, and Len turned his attention to his cellphone, which, unlike Rin's, was _not_ engulfed in a mess of cheap silicone.

"Len! Say hello!"

He jumped and pushed hair out of his face and shook his hand stiffly.

"Hello."

"Introduce yourself?"

Hadn't she done that for him already?

"Okay...I'm Len. Rin's roommate."

"More, Len. They want _more_."

"Who is _they_?"

"The Rinsters."

Len looked at Rin, and she sighed.

" _The viewers_."

 _Rinnyrainbows's Rinsters,_ Len thought to himself as he let out a small giggle.

"Aw. Cute."

Len ignored that.

"I've known Rin for…" He counted on his fingers. "Seven years."

"Good, good. Now," she said, stepping back, but not before she tumbled into a half-open box smaller than the others she had hauled in the night before. It toppled over, spilling its contents-contents that a boy like Len, a boy with no exposure to _female things_ at all, _period_ , shouldn't be seeing.

Not that they were exactly sinfully terrible, but Len really _had_ no exposure to female things at all, period. Really. He almost covered his eyes with his hands, but stopped as he felt Rin's vlogging device filming him again, and bent over to help pick up the scattered tampons and purple squares, along with-was that _lingerie_?

Rin started to film the mess at her feet, complete with Len (who, really, was a mess too, so it would be safe to group him in with the rest of the stuff) hunched over, and he tugged his shirt down his exposed back sheepishly before returning to his work, his face hotter than the one-hundred-degrees weather outside.

"Thanks, Lenny." She bent down to ruffle his hair as if he were a puppy.

 _Lenny?_

"Not a problem," he mumbled. He put a hand to his cheek. It was still warm.

 **R**

It was fun to embarrass Len.

Maybe too fun, now that Rin thought about it. She hadn't laughed the way she had when that tomato-red blush swallowed his face in what felt like forever, not since she was in fifth grade, pigtails high on her head and tied in hot pink ribbon, braces in bright colors to match her ratty sneakers, before she realized that it was weird to be different and weird was bad.

So she asked him to have breakfast with her, and it scared her how much she wanted him to say yes. How much she _needed_ him to say yes.

But he hesitated. And all it took was that moment for her carefully-constructed cheerful smile to crumble, and she turned away.

"Sorry, I just—you probably have friends you wanna sit with or something, I dunno. Sorry. Forget it."

Had she embarrassed him beyond repair? Was he one of those people who hated being on camera? Oh damn, what if he was mad? What if he thought she hadn't changed one bit from the girl she used to be, all bubbles and bluster and bright colors?

Rin didn't know why she cared. And yet, she felt hot tears prick her eyes.

She blinked them back, sneaking a glance at Len, whose face was once again flushed crimson.

"No, no, sorry, that's not what I meant..."

Great. Now he felt bad for her? The only thing worse than rejection had to be pity. God, she was so stupid. Why had she even asked?

"I just... I don't know." Len's voice was rough, quiet. "Sorry. I don't usually, I dunno, talk to cute girls or something, and I never know what to say... Sorry."

 _Cute?_

Suddenly, Len seemed to realize what had slipped out of his mouth and somehow his visage managed to turn even redder. "I mean, I don't know why you would wanna hang out with me, 'cause I just screwed up your vlog and your, um, _feminine products,_ and—"

Rin couldn't help it anymore. Ignoring the aghast expression on Len's face, she burst out laughing. And she didn't stop until her stomach hurt.

"Relax, Len. God. You're adorable." Grinning, she offered him a hand. "Come on. Coffee?"

His palm was warm against hers.

.

 **i don't know what to say here im sorry. but.**

 **thanks for reading.**


	2. two

**more stuff happens in this chapter haha. this takes place a week-ish after the first one. i enjoyed writing this so i hope that you enjoy reading it.**

 **enjoy :).**

 **L**

Len sipped his coffee, fighting the urge to wince as it stinged his tongue, and smiled as Rin subtly grazed her bare arm against his. He adjusted his backpack strap when they arrived at their Spanish class, the back of the room filled with students with their near-to-breaking backpacks and scuffed sneakers despite them being fifteen minutes early-an impressive feat for them thanks to Rin's turtle-like speed. They seated themselves in the corner, like they always did, and Len traced a circle on the now-familiar wooden floor, occasionally stealing glances at Rinm who sat next to him. He heard a thud on the desk behind him and turned around to see Kaito, the frat boy with parents richer than the president that Len had the _honor_ to attend high school with, smirking and easing the wrinkles out of his expensive-looking jeans.

"Len. _Mi amigo. ¿Que pasa?_ "

Len, as usual, tried to ignore him. He had no interest in befriending Kaito (who, not to mention, was one of his high school tormentors), so why should he?

It wouldn't hurt to make a few new friends, though.

He heard Rin giggle as their professor, a stout and wrinkly woman with the confidence of a supermodel, strut into the classroom. While he always held a high respect for his professors, Rin didn't hesitant to hold back on her opinions.

Another reason why they weren't compatible.

"Len. Be my partner for today."

He usually partnered with Rin for class and opened his mouth to disagree when he caught a glimpse of Rin chuckling along to one of the other frat boys, Fuckface (Fukase? Fuckface seemed more fitting at the moment).

"I...fine. Okay."

Kaito's smirked again.

"Good."

…

Len left for the dining hall without waiting for Rin when class ended. She'd probably be better off with Fuckface, anyways.

 **R**

Rin didn't realize how isolated she'd been making herself until Len ditched her in the Spanish classroom and she found herself all alone.

Ha. Some friend he was. She'd seen him walk away with that stupid fuckboy Kaito, hands gesturing as he spoke, backpack over one shoulder. Stupid hands. Stupid backpack. Stupid Len.

Could she seriously have believed that he genuinely liked her? That he wanted to be friends, _no strings attached_? Maybe she was the stupid one. She'd tried so hard to be nice, to be outgoing and fun and everything she wished she was, everything Rinnyrainbows was to her subscribers-everything Rin wasn't in real life.

Swallowing the bitter taste in her mouth, Rin shoved her books into her backpack, pulling the straps over both shoulders. Len hadn't pushed in his chair, a fact that somehow annoyed her beyond measure, and she kicked it into place, trying to ignore the pain that shot up her foot at the force of the action. Stupid chair. Stupid Len.

She made her way towards the cafeteria, sweeping her long blond hair into a high knot on the top of her head, adding an extra two or three inches to her five-foot-two frame. Staring at her reflection in the tall glass windows as she waited in line for food, Rin wondered if maybe she should've toned down her outfit a little, ditched the dramatic bright colors and short-shorts for something more subdued. Something more professional, more collegiate, more serious and adult and not so rainbow. Unconsciously her gaze fell on Len, a few tables away, head thrown back as he laughed at something Kaito was saying, cutting his pizza into little pieces with a knife. Rin scowled as he dabbed his mouth with the corner of his napkin, spreading it meticulously across his lap to cover his perfectly smooth slacks.

Was he—slacks-wearing, polished, mature Len—embarrassed of her? Did he still think of her as the little girl she'd once been, the little girl whom he'd helped up that one time after the older kids shoved her into the mud on the first day of school for being in the wrong lunch line? Suddenly she felt sick, her stomach knotting, and she slipped wordlessly out of the cafeteria and slumped onto a bench outside the library.

Truth was, she'd pretended not to know Len, but it had all been a carefully-crafted lie. Perhaps just a way for her to start fresh, without her past in the way of who she was now. She hadn't been counting on him recognizing her, and when he had, she'd feigned ignorance. Like all he was to her was just another old classmate. An acquaintance. Maybe even a stranger.

He didn't know that she remembered. Didn't know that she'd had a crush on him for all of fourth grade after he, that new kid with the big glasses and messy hair, stepped past the "segregation line" dividing the boys' side of the playground and the girls' side to ask her if she was okay. She still remembered.

He didn't, though.

And maybe that was for the best.

"Hey, you okay?" A voice tore through her bitter thoughts.

"What? Oh, yeah. Fine. Sorry," she said, feigning a smile as she looked up.

A girl stood before her, long aqua-colored hair tugged into pigtails, grinning. Upon second glance she was pretty, eyes the same color as her hair that lilted and sparkled when she smiled. "I'm Miku. You're new, right? Well, I know the answer to that, 'cause I know everyone, and I don't know you, so you've gotta be new."

Her dimples flashed as she plopped down on the bench beside Rin, who whisked her backpack onto the ground just in time before Miku took its spot.

"I'm Rin," she replied, hoping her voice sounded genuinely friendly.

"Wait." Miku's eyes widened. "Rin, like as in _Rinnyrainbows_? Omigod, I love your vlogs!" Not giving Rin a moment to speak, Miku launched into a speech about how she'd started watching Rin's videos in fifth grade, and how Rin was going to love college here, and how they were going to be great friends.

Rin didn't interrupt, just let Miku guide her around campus as she gave her commentary on anything and anyone they saw. Turns out she couldn't have picked a better person to run into, considering Miku knew gossip about just about everyone, including their fat Spanish teacher.

"Anyway, you have to come meet some of my friends. Who're you rooming with?"

Rin laughed. "You're not gonna believe this—they put me with a boy."

"Omigod, you're so lucky. I wish I was rooming with Kaito. Then they wouldn't need to give us double beds, if you know what I mean," she added, winking.

So Miku was friends with Fuckboy Kaito. Rin chose her words carefully after that. "I'm with that Len kid. Len Kagamine?"

"Len Kagamine? God, I'm so jealous. He's so hot."

 _Hot?_

Rin snorted. It wasn't exactly the word she would've chosen to describe him, even though now that Miku had said it she couldn't stop thinking about how, beneath those pressed button-down shirts his arms looked like he worked out, or the way the skin of his back had seemed so temptingly smooth when he'd bent down to pick up her tampons... She bit down hard on the inside of her cheek, trying to dislodge the not-so-friendly thoughts.

"Ugh. Can we trade dorms? Oh, speaking of dorms, you have to come to the party this Friday. Kaito's friend's house. Maybe then you can share a room with Len again, if you know what I mean." Miku winked again, and Rin's stomach churned.

But a party sounded good. Perfect for forgetting everything for a few hours, just dancing and drinking and having fun until the early house of dawn. And like Miku had said, it would be good for her to meet some new people. "Okay. To the party. Not to the Len part."

Miku laughed. "We'll see about that. I like you, Rinnyrainbows."

And then she flounced off, leaving Rin standing with a slightly dazed expression and too many thoughts to sort out.

 **L**

"But I don't want to go."

He didn't want to go to the party, not at all, really, but he still felt a little guilty for ditching Rin a few days before (even if she _was_ making him the slightest bit jealous) and felt like he had to make it up to her, somehow.

"But you do."

No.

He pretended to ponder over the subject before huffing.

"Fine. I'll go."

" _Yes!_ " Rin did a little dance that made Len's heart clench. He loosened his belt as he fingered through his clothes.

"What's the, uh, dress code?"

Rin started to laugh.

"I don't know if you own anything party-worthy."

Len was confused.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Just-" She was next to him in a second, and he could smell her fruity perfume (and he couldn't get enough of it). She pulled out a pair of his rarely-worn jeans with an _Aha!_ Len squirmed a little, careful not to let Rin notice. He felt like a dad trying to be "hip" whenever he wore street clothes.

"These. Anything besides-" She gestured to his outfit.

 _Anything besides my dorky college-professor apparel?_ She wasn't wrong.

"Not that there's anything wrong with that! I dig your hot teacher look."

He let the second part go past his head. Despite her casual flirtiness (which, really, was just Rin being Rin), a person like her surely wouldn't think of Len in that way. Kaito, maybe, but Rin?

He wasn't so sure.

" _Relax_." He hadn't realized how stiff his posture was until Rin had slapped his arm. "You can still wear one of your fancy and mature button-ups and dress shoes if that's what you really want. Just wear the jeans with them and it'll all be _fine_."

Len flushed.

"O-okay."

…

The party was good. Len liked it, even though the music didn't quite fit his tastes and made his eardrums want to burst, even though Rin had left yet again to talk to some other people that weren't him, even though his punch tasted a little funny and made him feel woozy.

He looked down at his solo cup, nearly empty. Was it really just punch, though? Probably not. He shrugged to himself and took another sip, nearly choking when Fukase (not Fuckface anymore-he was pretty cool now that Len had gotten to know him better) yanked him back into the herd of his friends, including Kaito, who was busy handing out "beer popsicles". Len grinned, neck feeling sticky with sweat.

"How's it? The party?"

Len took another swig out of his cup, draining it. "Great."

"That's good, dude." Fukase pounded him on the back, and Len found himself pedalling back to the punch bowl, admiring the house's intricate designs.

Stupid rich kids.

He was making his way back to the group, his drink starting to fall dangerously slowly out of its cup and onto the white carpet below him, when he was yanked back again.

"Fukase-"

"No, not Fukase. It's _Luka_."

He turned around, his eyes falling on a girl with heels tall enough to make her taller than him, long hair falling past her shoulders and her eyes heavily caked with eyeshadow.

"Luka." He tested her name as she stepped closer to him, leaning close enough that Len could smell her cheap beer-scented breath, and he was leaning in, too.

That is, until someone butted his shoulder with their own.

"Luke. He's taken."

"Wha?" His head spun, and Rin looked him in the eyes, squished his cheeks in her hands, and pressed her lips to his firmly.

Len pulled away several long moments later, looked her in the eyes, and went back for more, and it happened again and again and again all the way until they found themselves in one of the bedrooms in the house where it happened again and again and again as well…

 **R**

Was it possible to still be cute hungover?

Yes, Rin decided, because Len definitely made it work. Somehow. Still in the jeans and shirt from the night before, Len was slumped on his bed, face buried in his pillow with his eyes squeezed shut. Rin snorted to herself, gathering her hair into its usual messy bun. She could still smell the alcohol on him, and the scent of her perfume cloaking the harsh odors of sweat and girl and party.

The realization came like a slap in the face. Len smelled like her perfume. Like tangerine and coconut and starlight and drawn curtains and bedsheets. Like the door to Kaito's friend's guest room slamming shut, like two silhouettes pressed against the wall and rolling onto the bed, intertwined and knotted and woven together such that it couldn't be said where Len ended and Rin began.

Unconsciously she brought her hand to her lips—still numb—remembering how she'd stormed over, grabbed Len out of Luka's arms. How her gaze had caught his, wild and desperate and so totally clueless, and she'd rescued him. Rin smiled. She liked that, rescuing him, and it was her turn to save him anyway.

He was sleeping now, still fitfully, occasionally thrashing or rolling around, his hands grasping for something that wasn't there as he muttered under his breath. Rin smirked sympathetically, remembering the first time she'd gotten so hopelessly drunk that she couldn't remember who she was, let alone who she'd spent the night with. Her head had ached for days, and her heart for even longer.

Unconsciously she stretched out a hand to smooth back his hair, letting herself run her hands through his blond mess of tangled strands, still black at the roots. And then she pulled her fingers back just as abruptly, when she recalled the feeling of his hair brushing her cheek, his lips against hers, reeking of cheap beer.

Some hero she'd been, saving him from Luka and then doing the same thing Luka had been planning to do. She'd lost control last night, and she wasn't planning on doing it ever again. Not to Len.

He deserved better than that.

Besides, she wasn't that type of person, ruled by her emotions and acting without thought for the consequences.

Right?

At least, she wasn't anymore.

Rin turned away from Len, blinking hasty tears out of her eyes as she pressed her knuckles to her mouth to muffle the sobs that threatened to wake him up. Just PMS, she told herself. Len's just another stupid guy. Just another number in your body count, right? You stopped caring a long time ago.

She stared in the mirror, swiped a coat of foundation over her face, smeared on a liberal amount of concealer and pasted on a smile. She hadn't vlogged in a few days, and maybe that would get her mind off the guy slumped on the bed across the room, long hair covering his eyes and mouth forming incoherent words that she'd convinced herself were her name.

But as Rin picked up her camera, hands still shaking as her whole being ached for him, she finally let the tears fall and slumped onto her bed instead. Once again she'd ruined everything, and relationships weren't as easy to glue together as broken hearts.

 **L**

Len felt like horse manure. Literally. His head ached to the point where it felt as if it were throbbing, his speech came out slurred, and all he could think about was _Rin, Rin, Rin._

She sat on her bed, her eyes on him while her laptop rested on her thighs, and widened her eyes when they met gazes.

"I'm sorry."

Len rubbed at his eyes.

"Wh…" He coughed. "What?" His voice came out raspy.

Rin bit her lip, and his eyes went to them. They wouldn't look away, either, and then Len remembered.

He remembered.

"You know what? Nevermind."

"It's...fine?"

Rin looked away.

"No. I've literally ruined our relationship. If you wanna switch rooms, go ahead-go ahead."

He was quiet.  
"It's fine, really. If you wanna."

Len pushed the blankets off of his legs, but it didn't help in cooling down his body temperature.

"Why would I wanna do that?"

"Because. I took, like, _advantage_ of you, I dunno."

"No."

He flushed.

"It wasn't _bad_. I mean- _Iwoulddoitagain_."

Rin chuckled.

"You serious?"

"Yes." Len looked down and squinted his eyes as they caught a flash of sunlight. "The lights…"

Rin rammed the curtains into each other at that, and they sat in silence for a moment.

"Would you really do it again?"

Len put a hand to his forehead and clenched his eyes shut. This was why he had refrained from parties. "Why wouldn't I?"

Rin was in front of him now.

"Good question."

…

Len turned the cool doorknob of the dorm, still sluggish but a little less so thanks to Rin and his new friends. His shirt, now buttoned only to the third button instead of all the way up like it had during the beginning of the school year, seemed too thick for the heat despite it being thinner than paper. As the door cracked open, he could hear Rin's voice from inside the room, but he could tell that it wasn't coming from her MacBook's speakers and instead from her own mouth.

 _He'd done a few things to that mouth as of late…_

Len pinched himself.

"Stop it," he mumbled. He angled his head to get a better hearing from the dorm.

"Anon, you're being irrational. You said so yourself that there could be with whoever we pleased. This was never a-a-"

She sighed.

"I really don't care. It's not even as if you're my girlfriend or anything! _We never dated!_ "

Girlfriend?

Rin was starting to seem annoyed, huffing as she listened to the other end of the call. Len wished she had put it on speaker.

"No. Goodbye, Anon."

Len found it a suitable time for him to enter. He gave Rin a lazy smile as he stepped through the doorway.

 _You're bi,_ he wanted to say. To ask. To confirm. He was a little ticked, truth be told. Was she using him? Playing with him?

"I heard some of your phone call," he found himself saying. He let his backpack fall to the floor.

Rin rolled her eyes.

"Don't worry about it. That was-we went to high school, and it was an all-girls so obviously we were all a little desperate, y'know? For some reason, she thought that it would be a good idea to ask me to come back home for Thanksgiving even though we barely talked? Actually? You probably don't care. Sorry. But it's nothing to worry about. We just fucked around. That's it."

Len didn't want to believe her, but found himself nodding along and flopping onto his bed, not bothering to change out of his clothes, and closing his eyes.

"Okay."

But was it really, though?

.

 **there'll be more in-depth stuff about gumi in the next chapter. im not sure what else to say here except for**

 **thanks for reading.**


	3. three

**i haven't updated in a while whoops you can slap me if you want.**

 **i think that this chapter is a little shorter than the others but. stuff happens so i guess that makes up for it. anyways.**

 **enjoy :).**

 **R**

As far as Rin was concerned, the beds in her little dorm room were too far apart that night.

But as she peeked over at Len, buried beneath a heap of navy blue bedding, curled against the wall, she couldn't help but wonder if maybe he disagreed. If maybe, despite everything he'd said earlier, he didn't want to do it again, so to speak.

Was it the call with Anon? He'd seemed upset about that, those perfect blue eyes growing dark and eyebrows creasing. Maybe he'd heard more than he'd let on…

But Rin hadn't been lying when she'd said it was nothing to worry about.

Sitting up, Rin rubbed her eyes and clambered over to her desk, yanking her phone out of the charger before slumping back into bed, wrapping the bright blue sheets around her shoulders as the light from her screen pierced her eyes. Tapping on her messaging app, Rin scrolled through her texts with Anon, cringing over and over at what she'd sent. At what Anon had replied.

Their whole relationship had started in high school, like she told Len. Rin had been a reckless partier, a frequent at most of the bars that turned a blind eye to underage drinking, Friday nights full of liquor and punch and overly pungent perfume. She didn't know why she'd first started going, only that she went one time and couldn't stop, because despite the headaches and dropping grades there was something addicting about the feel of the dance floor, of the buzz rushing from her lips straight to her head, of the whole world being too bright for her eyes. As for what happened afterwards? Rin was always too drunk to care whose house she was brought to, whose room she was locked in. Not like she could ever remember when she woke up anyway.

But no matter how wonderful that rush of adrenaline felt at night, she hated the effects during the day. Hated the nausea and the dizziness and the way she was tired all the time like a dream she couldn't wake up from. Anon came into her life senior year, when her grades had already slipped too far to overlook, when her weekends were spent passed out on the couch, head throbbing and lips stinging. Not like her parents were around enough to notice, anyway, and she'd long since taken a hiatus with Rinnyrainbows.

Anon was different. Drop-dead gorgeous, smart, interested in her for more than just what they could do after the party. A reprieve from her usual pattern, and that was a good thing. But next to Len, Anon was nothing, nothing at all.

Rin groaned, diving under the blankets and burying her face in her multitude of fuzzy pillows, telling herself that she'd never, ever engage in a so-called open relationship again.

Before she could change her mind she swiped open her phone and sent a text to Anon.

 _i think i found someone. we're done, and i know this is cliche but can we stay friends?_

The three dots popped up immediately, showing that Anon was replying, but Rin threw her phone across the room instead, listening to the clatter as it hit the wall and hoping that her chunky giraffe case would protect it. Somehow.

Without the phone clutched in her hands distracting her from the dark, the room was so, so cold, and even the blanket around Rin's shoulders couldn't warm her up.

"Len?" she whispered, turning to face his half of the room.

"Mm?" His reply was muffled from under his sheets, barely awake.

"Can I come over?"

"Mm."

The floor was icy against her bare feet and she slipped into his bed, not having to look to know that he was already blushing. Her head fit perfectly in the crook between his neck and his shoulder, like it had been made for her to sleep there, and she drifted off with a smile tugging her lips.

 **L**

"I suppose that I'll see you in a few days, then?" Len's hand was on the cool doorknob again.

"Yeah," Rin said, nodding along blankly. "Yeah." She was still entangled in his navy blue bed sheets, a t-shirt hanging loosely off of her shoulders being the only other thing keeping her somewhat modest besides them. Len toyed with his suitcase's handle and pushed the door open, shivering as the cold air bit at his skin. Rin tugged the duvet around her tighter.

"Bye."

"Bye."

The walk to his car was painfully silent, foreign to him-he rarely traveled the campus without someone at his side. He shoved his bags into his Mustang's small trunk and fiddled with the car's radio as he pulled onto the road, already counting down the days until he would get to see Rin again. He could only dream that she felt the same. His phone rang from the cup holder to his right, and Len struggled to attend it.

"Leonardo!"

"Yohio."

"How long?"

Len stole a glance at his GPS.

"Uh. Two hours, maybe? That is, until I get to the airport. So...a long time."

He heard a sigh.

"It would help if you sped it up a little bit? Lily's been pestering me since the morning."

Len chuckled to himself.

"Tell her that I miss her too."

And he really did miss his niece, the one that resembled him more than her own father and clung to him like her life depended on it-and, come to think of it, Len felt that he, too, depending on Lily's presence, too.

"You know that won't work. Anyways. I don't wanna distract you."

"Yohio, wait-"

 _Are Mom and Father going to be at your house, too?_

Yohio seemed to ignore him.

"Take care, Leonardo."

"It's Len," he grumbled, but the call had already ended. Len exhaled loudly.

The rest of the car ride was unenjoyable.

…

Yohio's house was nice. It had a white fountain that made water fall more gracefully than it would in a waterfall, a driveway big enough to fit at least ten cars with an abundance of garages to match, and stone pillars everywhere that did nothing but add to the house's elegance. Len was already jealous, and he didn't even have a house of his own yet. He pressed a finger to the expensive-looking doorbell. Not even a second later, a voice blared through the tiny speaker next to the bell.

"Leonardo! We haven't seen you for ages!"

The door swung open, and Len gulped as he faced the person who'd done so.

"Mom."

He was pressed into her so tightly that he wasn't able to breathe for a good few seconds. When he was released, he noticed with a snort that both he and his mother brushed out the wrinkles from their clothes out of habit. Mom straightened the sleeves of her dress.

"You look so much _bigger_!"

"You saw me six months ago, Mom. I don't believe that I've grown any bigger."

He shifted and looked over his Mom's head (he had surpassed her five-foot-five height by a good foot, now) and almost fainted when he met a pair of too-familiar deep blue eyes.

"Leonardo."

 _Len_ , he wanted to correct, but he stopped himself. He wasn't up for a "respecting your elders" lecture just yet. Not now, not when he'd just so recently escaped them for good. Len dug his shoe into the lavish-looking rug underneath his feet, avoiding Father's gaze. Why he was allowed to call Mom "Mom" and not Father "Dad" was still a mystery to him.

"How are you?"

It took a good amount of effort for Len to face his dad.

"I'm fine." He swallowed. "You?"

Father brushed off his question.

"How's Vanderbilt treating you? Are your marks good?"

Len's eyes flickered from the Burberry embroidery on Father's button-up, to the Gucci logo on his belt, and to the Prada sign embellished onto the sides of his rimless glasses. Since when were his parents that wealthy? How were they this wealthy at all? They'd been well-off when Len and Yohio were children, sure, but to the point of wearing all-designer clothes was another thing…

"Leonardo!"

Len flinched. _That_ was why. Yohio. Perfect, perfect Yohio. Yohio who went to Columbia, Yohio who knew where he wanted to be in life, Yohio who was always just too good, too good for Len to beat, too good for Len to beat and avoid the much-too-frequent slaps to the wrists and punishments and lectures.

Perfect, perfect Yohio. He felt resentment nip at his thoughts, and it was tough to push them aside. He gave a small smile and weakly punched Yohio's outstretched fist.

"Hello."

Yohio grinned at him, but Len could still feel Father's gaze on his back.

"You haven't answered my question."

"Leonardo. Let him settle in before you start prodding."

Len wasn't sure if Mom was addressing him or his dad-another reason he felt obligated to shorten his birth name to the way it was now, asides from the the bitter memories it brought along with it and the mostly-true excuse he gave to Rin for it sounding lame.

Rin.

He wanted to talk to her, to hear her voice, to hear her laugh, even if it had only been a few hours since he'd last seen her, but he didn't. He didn't want to seem desperate, or too clingy, or be a burden. He could last a couple of more days until he could talk to her.

He could.

…

Len resisted the strong urge he had to pull his hair out of the braids it had been placed in and scrape off the nail polish on his left hand. He eyed Lily, who was busy painting Len's right fingernails a shade of pink so obnoxiously bright that he was surprised that Rin didn't own anything in the color. His eyes drifted to the TV, displaying a bright array of colors and animated animals. His phone dinged, and he picked it up, cautious of the still-wet polish on his hands. A text from Rin. He almost squealed. It had been three days since he'd left their dorm, three days since he'd last spoken to her. He tapped on the messaging app.

 _hey_

 _how's your fam treating u_

 _Hello :)_

 _Fine_

 _Lily's turning me into a girl :(_

 _who's lily_

 _My niece :)_

 _you have a niece_

Len's fingers hovered over the digital keyboard on his screen as he was about to tap out a reply, but his phone buzzed and rang, and Rin's contact appeared on the screen.

 _FaceTime call from Rin_

He clicked on the accept button.

 **R**

Rin's hands were shaking.

Literal, earthquake-tremor-esque shaking. And it wasn't pleasant.

Len's face popped up on her phone before she could change her mind and hang up the FaceTime call, but already worms of regret were weaving their way through her stomach.

She was an idiot. A stupid, fucking idiot.

Len's voice startled her internal tirade. "Sorry about my hair," he blurted. "Lilly wanted to, and I couldn't say no to her..."

Rin glanced up from her peach-colored nails that she'd been picking at, and for the first time in days let out a genuine laugh at the sight of Len's blond hair done up in tiny little braids, tied with bright pink elastics that her younger self would approve of.

"It's okay. You look hot."

Len looked away, his neck turning a shade to rival a beet, and Rin smirked to herself. Until her gaze fell back on her nails, the sides messy from where her hand had slipped in painting them, and she remembered. Len was still talking about Lilly, some other irrelevant thing that was so sweet coming out of his mouth, in his voice, but only made her heart hurt.

There was no beating around the bush, she decided. There was no way to pretend it hadn't happened, because it had, and there was no changing that. Rin stared at her right hand, her ring finger and pinkie's nails still undone because she'd forgotten to paint them in her stupor. She was so careless. So careless that she'd only managed to make mistake after mistake after mistake. Rin grabbed the polish off her nightstand, flopping onto her bed as she twisted open the tube. "Len. Listen to me."

He stopped at her interruption, looking startled. "What is it?"

Inhale. Exhale. And again. "Did you use—you know—protection, at the party? Kaito's friend's party?" Not exactly the words she'd planned to say, but they tumbled out of her mouth anyway.

"What? Rin, what are you talking about?"

Rin didn't look at his face on her screen, didn't lift her gaze from her nails. One swipe, two swipes, three. Her ring finger nail was peach now, barely messy. An accomplishment. "Did you?" she repeated, quieter. "'Cause I didn't. I stopped taking birth control after Anon, 'cause I wasn't sleeping with random guys anymore and going to parties and I didn't think I was gonna have a baby and I didn't expect this... Fuck, what am I saying, Len? I'm pregnant."

There was silence on the other side for a while.

"Pregnant?" His voice was incredulous. "What—when—how—is this a joke?"

"It's not a fucking joke!" Rin was screaming, and her words were coming out blurred and stumbled and messy but she didn't care, nothing mattered as long as her pinkie nail was filled in perfectly with peach-colored polish and Len wasn't mad. If Len wasn't mad then the world would stop spinning so fast that she couldn't catch up and everything would be okay because he would make everything okay. Right?

"Rin, calm down, how do you know?" He wasn't panicking, no, he was looking at her like she was crazy and she didn't know which was worse.

"I skipped my period," she said, her chest rising and falling at the speed of light, eyes blurring with hot tears. "I never skip my period. I haven't skipped my period since fifth grade, and it means I have your baby, how could you do this to me?!" She was hysterical by now, and something inside of her said to calm down, to quiet down, that someone would hear and be worried but it wasn't like there was anyone at home to hear or worry or care. She pressed her hands over her stomach, wet nail polish streaking on her yellow sweatshirt. I promise, she thought to herself, I promise I'll be a better parent than Mama and Daddy, I promise.

And then she burst into tears again because here she was, in college, pregnant with a baby from a guy she wasn't married to and trying to reassure herself that somehow she was going to be a good parent. Every day it felt like her life became more and more of a lie.

"Hey." Len's voice was rough. "Did you get a, I dunno, test or something? Or is this"—he bit his lip, seeming to be searching for the right word—"assumption just based on your, um, ah, girl stuff?"

Test. Rin scrubbed at her eyes, suddenly overcome by humiliation as she stared at Len's face on her phone screen and the peach nail polish that she'd spilled all over her duvet and sweatshirt. A pregnancy test. Why hadn't she thought of that? God, she was such an idiot.

Len smiled, a little tilt of his lips. "Good to know."

"I didn't even answer you, stupid."

"But I could tell. From your face." Len grinned. "And because I know you well enough to know that you probably did not." He pushed his glasses up his nose.

"Shut up. Shut. Up."

"Are you sure you're not on your period? I heard it makes people moody..."

Rin glanced up at Len in surprise before a giggle bubbled out of her mouth at the sight of his bright red cheeks. "Did you just make a period joke?"

She was laughing too hard at his expression to hear if he replied.

 **L**

Somehow, the air had turned even chillier by the time Len's hand was back on the cool doorknob, and unzipped his puffer jacket as he stepped in.

Rin wasn't there.

Len bit the inside of his cheek. It was fine if she wasn't always in her dorm. She had other friends, too, besides him-she was Rin. He would be surprised if he found anyone who didn't find themselves drawn to her bubbly personality.

Friends that she preferred over him, it seemed.

He felt a tap on his shoulder and he whacked it away out of instinct, and then he heard that all-too-familiar chuckle behind him.

"You're funny, Len."

Len smiled. He wanted to hug her. To kiss her. To…

 _To do all the things that would be completely unwanted by her._

He felt a pair of thin arms snake around his torso.

"Welcome back." He could feel her warmth even through his thick sweater. He held onto her back hesitantly, slowly.

 _Is this okay?_

"I missed you." He found the words tumbling out his mouth. He wasn't supposed to say that. Rin snuggled closer into his chest.

"Me too, Lenny. Me too."

They stayed like that for a while, the door still open and turning their faces pink from the cold, standing until their legs begged for mercy. But Len was fine with that, because he was with Rin.

With Rin, everything was always good.

 **.**

 **oof. i love len. so. i've said this before but this story was co-written by silverxrose and she wrote rin's parts so yeah. her writing is like. wow. amazing. she doesn't post anything on her account though so :/. and thanks to everyone who's favorited/followed/reivewed you're amazing too. anyways.**

 **thanks for reading :).**


	4. four

one more chapter and this story'll be done :). i'm working on a new fic though so look out for that. anyway.

enjoy :).

R

"Omigod, Rin! Hey!" Miku looped her arm through Rin's and dragged her towards the cafeteria, her long pigtails flying. Rin winced, narrowly avoiding getting hit in the face.

"Hi," she said, adjusting the waist of her denim short-shorts and tugging them up higher, never mind the fact that they were already high-waisted and riding up her thighs as she walked. "How was break?"

"Giiiiiirl," Miku sighed, "it was so boring. So. Boring. I never thought I would miss having classes, but..." Miku shrugged. "Your break was probs more interesting than mine, anyhow."

Rin shrugged too. "Interesting, yeah, I guess. I mean, I thought I was pregnant, but other than that..."

"Pregnant?!" Miku squealed, dashing in front of Rin to face her. "Omigod, I'll die if it's Len Kagamine's baby. It's gonna be, like, the most beautiful baby ever, omigod. Does Kaito know?"

"Relax! I'm not actually. Pregnant."

"But you did sleep with Len Kagamine."

"Isn't he so cute?"

"That's what I've been telling you!" Miku paused. "Was it good?"

"God, Miku!" Laughter bubbled out of Rin's mouth. "He's, like, a—a precious little ball of fluffy magic. Of course it was good!"

Miku snorted, throwing open the cafeteria doors. "Girl, I'm so jealous, you don't even know. But Kaito's pretty hot too. So we're good."

As they walked in Rin pulled out her camcorder from its neon orange case draped over her shoulder. She'd gotten behind with her vlogging lately—stupid college with its stupid schedule—and this would be a good time to catch up, reunions after break with friends and all that. Rolling her eyes, Rin decided that if it were up to her, she would drop out of college just to focus on her vlogging, maybe rent an apartment in New York City or San Francisco or something instead of being stuck at Vanderbilt. She'd planned to take a gap year after high school but of course Daddy had said no—the one time she wanted to make an important decision he had to step in and act like a parent, for once, spouting some nonsense about inheriting his and Mama's company and all that. Rin snorted. Wouldn't having real-life experience with her YouTube channel and platform make more sense than just taking classes? She shrugged, switching on the camera and turning to Miku.

"Okay, you ready? Let's get this party started."

Miku and Rin made the rounds, stopping by nearly every table because there was someone they knew, or someone who saw the camcorder and recognized Rinnyrainbows. By the time they got to Kaito and Len's table, Rin's cheeks were already sore from smiling, and she had an idea.

"So, Miku," Rin said, her pulse speeding up with both nerves and excitement, "I have a surprise for the Rinsters."

"Omigod, what is it?" Miku didn't know what Rin was planning, and it was for the best that she didn't, considering she would probably freak out. Rin handed her the camcorder, winking.

"So you all remember my roomie Len, right? The one who helped me with my tampons?" Rin giggled, keeping eye contact with the camera lens and jogging over towards the table. Len hadn't seen her yet, was still engaged in a conversation with Fukase, sandwich lying untouched before on the table as his hands gestured while he spoke. Kaito had already noticed them, a smirk on his face as he waved at Miku, and then finally, finally, Len looked up.

His blue eyes looked like the sky. She threw her arms over his shoulders. She gripped his long hair with her hands.

Rin kissed him on the lips. She didn't regret it.

L

"Father?"

"Leonardo."

Len blinked at the email on his laptop, over the blue Columbia University logo to his name typed above it. His eyes skimmed over the letter for what seemed like the thousandth time.

Mr. Kagamine,

I am delighted to inform you that the Committee of Admissions has admitted you to the Class of 2021…

"What is this? The email?" He chose his words carefully, heedful of sounding too harsh, too rude.

"Why, Leonardo," Father began, "can't you see? You've been accepted to your dream college."

He could hear the smile in his voice, that passive-agressive smile that seemed to be the only form of expression he had besides bile.

"But..why now? Why after freshman year already started? The school year's almost over, and if I wasn't good enough to be accepted then...why now?"  
"Are you not happy? You ungrateful-"

"No! Not at all, not at all…" His voice had faded into a murmur. Rin glanced at him from her desk, and he shook his head.

"I just-I'm a bit-it's overwhelming."

Father grunted, and Len could practically see him tugging at his designer shirt's collar. Len adjusted his glasses, pushing them up and into his hair. Never mind the fact that he was unable to read the acceptance letter without them. Maybe it would be better if he couldn't. For his sanity's sake and all.

"I was just wondering...Father...why you were calling me?" Len winced. Too harsh? Too disrespectful? He heard shifting from the other end of the call.

"Wanted to hear your thoughts."

"Oh. Uh," he coughed. "I mean, whatever you and Mom want, really." Not really. But it wasn't as if he had the option of choosing for himself, even if he was a legal adult now.

There was a pause.

"Well."

"We would prefer if you went to Columbia, obviously. It's much better than that Vanderbilt you're at now. Makes wonderful young adults, yes; very good, very good...Yohio's spoken very highly of it."

Of course. If Yohio went there, it was perfect. Of course.

"Also, it would be much closer to your family. Then you wouldn't have to take a plane to see us."

Len couldn't argue with that. With the exception of his father, it would be nicer to have his family living in the same state as him instead of nearly a thousand miles away.

"Okay. Okay. If that's what you want." He paused. "Father."

"Any intentions on telling your friends? That is, if you've made any...Yohio made some wonderful ones during his time at Columbia…" His tone was thoughtful, and Len snorted, cautious to not let the sound be heard by his dad. Of course. Everything Yohio had, even the simplest things like people to talk to and laugh with and love, was always impossible for Len to possess himself.

"Yes, Father. I have friends. And yes, I'll be telling them. Goodbye."

He ended the call, regretting it soon after and mentally slapping himself. Consequences would most likely follow his poor decision.

Oh well.

Len spread himself out on the bed, now double its size. He and Rin had decided to push their twin-sized beds together the week before, and honestly, Len was shocked that they hadn't thought of the idea before. Actually, scratch that. He wasn't.

Before, Rin didn't willingly give him kisses on the face and accept his cuddles (not that he ever gave her any before, though), or comb her fingers through his hair or lie across his stomach while editing her Rinnyrainbows vlogs.

Len didn't realize how much he'd been missing out on until then. He threw his phone across the bed, and it landed dangerously close to the edge of Rin's bright blue duvet. "Rin."

"Lenny."

"Did you hear any of that?"

"The call?"

"Yeah."

"Yes. I don't think you realize that you keep your phone on speaker all the time." She tittered, and Len felt his ears burn. Her face turned serious after that. "Are you really gonna go, though? To NYC?" Her voice had went from its usual talk-shout to barely above a whisper, and her lips were slightly pouted. His eyes were glued to them.

Len rubbed at his face and slid his glasses back onto his theem. "Yes. But," he turned onto his stomach. "Then you won't be there." He heard Rin turn around in her spinning chair, the one with the bright pink fur louder than her personality, and he remembered that maybe she wouldn't care all too much if he left. It wasn't as if she ever told him that they were officially dating, or particularly in a relationship limited to them and them only, no matter how much he wished she had.

"Actually. Nevermind. I didn't say that. It doesn't matter. Nevermind." He heard a quick but loud inhale from his right side.

"Is that so?" Rin's voice was suddenly snappy. "You don't care that I'm just gonna be here alone, do you? You're just gonna come by and kiss me every day and hug me at night and then just-just leave? Is that what it is?"

Len felt his stomach churn. "No." He wasn't able to say anything more, and he buried his face into Rin's duvet, and it smelled like tangerines and vanilla and Rin. He heard their creaky door open and shut with a thud. Len sighed, his stomach knotting even more.

It wasn't unusual of him to fuck things up.

So then why did it still feel so terrible to do so?

 **.**

 **thanks for reading :).**


	5. five

**we** **ll hello there. this is the last chapter for this story :) thanks to everyone who's read/reviewed/favorited/followed this you are gr8. anyways.**

 **enjoy :).**

 **R**

The more Rin thought about it, the angrier she got.

She'd thought he was different, that he wasn't like the other boys, that he was going to be a constant in her life and _stay_. He'd made her feel safe, wanted. Loved.

But it turned out that boys were all the same, and boys were stupid.

She slammed the door of the coffee shop, startling the old professors and students busy studying inside. Too frustrated to care about the glares they shot her way, Rin marched up to the barista before remembering that she'd forgotten her purse. And her wallet, and her phone.

Shit.

She dug her hands into the pocket of her windbreaker to find the spare change that she'd always kept there for "times of emergency", and if this didn't count as an emergency she didn't know what did, because there was no way she was going back to her dorm. Maybe she could room with Miku for the night? She'd figure something out, anything, anything that could get her away from Len and his glasses and his smile and his voice. Anything that could keep him from hurting her again because she'd handed him her heart-fuck, more than her heart, her whole being-and still he was going to leave like all the other boys had done. She couldn't believe she'd trusted him. Slept with him. Loved him. She couldn't believe she'd thought maybe this one would be forever, she was so stupid-

"Can I help you?" The barista sounded bored.

"Sorry. Um, yeah. A strawberry acai refresher with coconut milk, please." She handed him the crumpled wad of cash and ignored whatever else he might be saying, dumping her change into the tip jar and leaning against the wall to wait as she studied the landscape outside the window.

Bad idea. The sky was clear, cerulean blue, not a cloud in sight, the color of Len's eyes when he smiled. She wished she could see him smile again, hear him say that it was all a big joke and he'd never leave her for some stupid college because she was worth the world and more.

Rin thought back to those days during break when she'd skipped her period, when she'd thought she was pregnant and stayed holed up in her room obsessively painting her nails and crying because she didn't know what he was going to say-if he'd leave or if he'd stay. She'd convinced herself that he wouldn't blame her, that he would say he'd take care of her and the baby, that he'd protect her and do what it took to keep their little family together.

Now that she thought back to their FaceTime call, she recalled that he'd never reassured her, never told her that it was okay and that he would be there for her and their baby. He'd never said that he loved her. _He'd never said that he loved her._

Rin's heart ached at the thought.

She picked up her drink from the counter, walking out of the coffee shop and into the sunshine, unsure where her feet were carrying her except for away from Len. He'd never said he loved her. So many boys had told her those words before, tossed them around like candy and kisses- _I love you, Rin_ -she'd heard them so often that she'd stopped caring, that they'd lost their meaning.

Only now did she realize that the one boy whom she wanted to hear the words from had never said them to her.

But weren't actions worth more than words? Rin slumped onto a bench outside the math building, shaded by a tall tree as she dropped her chin into her hands. The way he helped her edit her vlogs, his fingers brushing hers as he typed on her laptop. The way his eyes lit up when she walked into a room, the way he never made fun of her brightly-colored outfits and laughed at her stupid jokes. The way she could always make him blush. The way he'd picked up her tampons for her on the second day they'd known each other, knowing that she was laughing at him and filming him and still doing it anyway. The way her body fit against his when they slept, two puzzle pieces that had found their other half.

Rin's heart felt so empty without him there to fill it.

And suddenly she stood, her mind coming to life as she tossed her barely-sipped-on drink into the trash can, an idea forming.

"Len! God, let me in!" She banged on the door to their room as soon as she ran out of the elevator, cursing herself for forgetting her keys and making such a stupid entrance. She kicked the door again.

It didn't open.

She stood, knocking again and again and waiting and _waiting and waiting_. He didn't come, and she knew.

He'd meant it. He'd meant it when he said he didn't care if she was there or not, he'd meant it when he'd let her leave without shouting for her to come back. He'd meant it.

She fell against the wall, not caring that her tears were drawing tracks of mascara down her cheeks, not caring who heard or saw or wondered. He'd meant it.

"Rin!"

She knew that voice, and she didn't look up.

"Rin, what are you doing? Stop crying, Rin, don't cry, please don't cry. God, Rin, please don't cry, hear me out." His hands were soft as he pulled her to her feet. She tried to break away from his grip but he was stronger than he looked, and she was too weak to leave his touch.

"I just called my dad," he said, voice hoarse. When she felt his hands on her face, brushing away her tears, she finally looked up and saw that his cheeks were wet too. "I told him, Rin, I told him that I'm not going to Columbia, you matter more to me than him, you matter more to me than anyone because"-he swallowed-"I love you."

"Fuck, Len," she said, "you're an idiot."

His eyes widened but he didn't let go of her.

"This is the opportunity of a lifetime and you just gave it up for _me_? I came back to tell you that I'm going with you, to New York, and you're saying you _canceled your fucking admission to Columbia_?"

He stared at her. " _What?_ "

"I'm going to New York with you. You can do college. I can do my YouTube channel. We can be together. I don't care about college, Lenny, I care about _you_."

He buried his face in her hair, and his lips were so tantalizingly close that it hurt. "I love you, Rin."

"I love you too. Don't ever do that to me again, okay?"

He pressed his lips to her temple as an answer, and she let herself drown.

 **L**

"Please don't tell me that you actually cancelled the admission."

"I didn't-not yet. I wanted to-I wanted to tell you first. And-I don't know. You were so mad at me that maybe you wouldn't want me here, and-"

"Goood."

 **R**

Their room was small, Rin decided as she dropped the box on the floor with a _thump_ and scowled at the lights which were currently still _out of order_. Too small to be considered a two-person room, really, but that was okay. She kicked the box into the corner next to the full-size mattress they'd chosen to use as a temporary sleeping arrangement, wincing at the cobwebs that were home to at least two possibly-alive spiders. Rin shuddered at the sight, before a grin split apart her face at the sound of a creak, the door behind her opening to reveal Len's dirty Chelsey boots and messy ponytailed hair. He stumbled into the room, noodle-likee arms trembling under the weight of the huge bin he carried, and he placed it gently onto the mattress before slumping down beside it. Groaning, he undid the first three buttons of his shirt, wiping a bead of sweat off his forehead. Rin caught herself staring at the patch of skin revealed on his chest and smirked, sitting down next to him. His blue eyes met hers as she brushed his hair out of his eyes, the same shade of blonde as hers.

"Is that the last one?"

"No, not even close. Why do you have to have so much _stuff_?"

Rin chuckled. "Well, maybe you should stop buying it for me."

"I'll keep that in mind the next time you ask me for _animal squishies_ ," Len shot back.

"Hey! Those squishies are really cute, you know. And practical. They balance out the color scheme on my desk."

"Rin, your color scheme is rainbow."

She rolled her eyes, secretly glad that Len hadn't insisted on them keeping separate "sides" of the room this time. Their first day moving in, and already the whole apartment looked like a tornado had swept by-a rainbow-colored tornado. Len's button-up shirts and books occupied only a small corner, stacked neatly in a pile. Pulling out her phone, still encased in that chunky giraffe case Len hated, she gestured for him to lean in as she tapped on her camera app.

"Smile for the Rinsters!"

Len pressed his lips to her cheek, a perfect photo. Nodding in satisfaction, Rin typed out a caption, fingers flying at the speed of light, and posted it on her Instagram. Only then did she toss the phone onto the mattress behind them, giving him a lopsided smile.

"When's your orientation? You should probs go meet some other students, being new and all."

Len shrugged. "Tomorrow, I think. Or Thursday. I dunno."

"Do you know anyone else?" Rin asked.

"Yes. I do-well, Yohio's friends' siblings and such. But I don't talk to them, so it doesn't count."

Rin grinned, tugging her bright blue sweatshirt up over her head. She could feel Len's gaze on her exposed midsection and she couldn't help but laugh at how painfully obvious his staring was.

"Well, if your orientation's tomorrow," she said, "we should probably get some sleep. It's kinda late." She fell back against the mattress, waving her hand at him to join her.

Len squinted at the alarm clock, having lost his glasses again. "It's ten after eleven. Most of the new students are probably gonna get here tomorrow though, so I guess we're actually early."

Rin yawned. "Whatever. Let's sleep now, 'kay? Goodnight," she said, unlacing her Converse and flopping back onto the mattress, patting the spot beside her as she pulled the blanket out of the corner.

Len laid down beside her, letting her rest her head against his chest, his heartbeat strong against her ear.

"Sleep tight," he whispered back.

 **.**

 **did anyone catch how the ending mirrored the beginning? no? okay. anyways. this story was so much fun to write and now im emtionally attached to these characters uhh help. this surprsingly didnt take too long to write hmm. anyways.**

 **thanks for reading :).**


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